It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
