Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
