Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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