Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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