You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
