his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
