i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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