I bet he comes in French.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
