Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
