Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
