I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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