marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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