i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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