Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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