How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
