And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
