I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
