i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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