I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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