At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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