He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
porn star boner night. come get it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
