Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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