I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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