your parents love me but you hate me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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