Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
