He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
