saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
