All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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