giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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