why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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