Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
