it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
