Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
