yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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