Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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