I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am spending my child support on dildos
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
