my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
