And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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