you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we're making bets on your personal life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
