used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
