the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
