you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
