theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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