I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
