I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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