and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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