thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
