I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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