pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
