Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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