need another drink. this is the easiest way
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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