Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
