talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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