Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
