i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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