he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
