i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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