Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
