I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
