You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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