so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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