Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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