apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
