planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
