I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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