I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
