im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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