Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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