eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
