have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
