Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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