There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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