Ambien. No doubt about it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
