all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
