She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
