he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
