dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Text me some of your sweat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
