the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
