definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
