I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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