i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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