I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no you cant smoke seaweed
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
