There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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