Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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