Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
