Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think my tv is drunk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
