i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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