just come out here and I will go home with you...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
