I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
