You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
