nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
