her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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