Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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