dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
