Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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