He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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