ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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